The Internet is full of information, but it can be hard to find exactly the information you need. That’s where databases come in, and fortunately, no matter how nasty something is, it’s probably got a database dedicated to it! Like these five! Yes, these conglomerations of depravity are all very real, so click the included links at your own risk.
Since this article deals with obscene acts, offensive terms, celebrity nudity, and other things that Weird Worm, being a site that has advertisers, can’t exactly feature pictures of, we’ve decided to include images from Google Image Search by using the word “Database”. Apparently this yields lots of flowcharts and clip art. Enjoy!
1.
The Racial Slur Database
The RSDB is one of the most useful, not to mention bizarre, lists of offensive terms for people of all creeds and colors. Now you can know precisely what that SOB in the Jeep called you before he drove off like the wuss he is.
What’s kind of weird about the RSDB is just the sheer diversity of terms human beings use to mock each other and our cultures. Sure, some of them lack grave and creativity, like “dingo f***er” (you get one guess which country THAT refers to). But others demonstrate that slurs come from all walks of life and that most of them are utterly baffling, if not completely stupid: apparently calling a black man “Destro”, yes, as in the Scottish G.I. Joe character with the metal face, is a racial slur. Who knew? Or that apparently it’s a racial slur to call a white person “dried s***.”
I don’t know about you, but I’m pretty sure nobody being called that would bother to work through the color implications before immediately jumping to the logical response of “What did you just call me?”
2.
The Celebrity Nudity Database
The CNDb serves a vital and important purpose: making sure we know exactly what celebrities are nude and where, precisely, we can find it. It doesn’t matter what it is: butt crack, nip slip, full frontal… the CNDb not only has the title, it’s got the formats available, the exact frames in which it appears, and exactly what the person who discovers it thinks of it.
Unfortunately, this is the Internet, so it’s also a source of pure nightmare fuel the likes of which cannot truly be spoken of, only seen. Seriously, enter the actor or actress that you find the least attractive. Not only is there an entry of some sort, but it will contain a “review” that pretty much tells you that somebody, somewhere, finds this person so attractive they’re willing to step through a DVD, frame by frame, to catch even a blurry moment of nudity.
If we could pick just one page that will haunt our dreams, it’s probably the one on Robin Williams. Bad enough the man’s got more fur than a Pomeranian, do we really need to know that his manly bits are onscreen? Don’t worry, screaming at that revelation is standard. So’s the alcoholism. Tears are common too. Also blindness.
3.
The World Slang Database
The World Slang Database might actually be the most awesome site on this list. Just ask anybody learning a new language; learning the slang and colloquialisms is a huge pain in the neck, just like trying to get your language teacher to own up to knowing profanity. But now you’ve got a huge list of slang! And in multiple languages, no less!
The only problem we foresee with this site is the fact that you’ve got to update constantly for slang, because the reason the database is necessary, the ever changing nature of language, makes it nearly impossible to keep current. Anybody trying to learn English can remember just how annoying learning all the slang terms is, but that’s because as Americans, we try our level best to terrify and confuse everybody who doesn’t speak English, because we find it funny. Hey, that’s what happens when Budweiser is the only beer available.
Fortunately, the World Slang Database is up to date as of…of…well, we can’t really see an update schedule here. In fact the closest thing we have to a date is the copyright of the site, which is…2002. Hmmmm. Maybe this site is a nefarious plot to make people show up in other countries and sound like they’re from the ’80s? Is that the case, we feel this database is totally radical!
