Google likes to celebrate every holiday in some way. Usually they do so by manipulating the Google logo on their homepage. But when April 1st rolls around Google pulls out all the stops, simultaneously amusing itself and captivating your imagination. When you get right down to it, Google loves a good April Fools Day hoax.
7.
Google TiSP
What It Is:
Google TiSP provides free wireless internet through your plumbing with a simple kit. All you need to do is attach a sinker to the fiber optic cable, hold on tight, and flush it down. The fiber optic cable will then travel through your local sewage lines to a nearby TiSP access node. Within an hour, you’ll be online.
Why You Wish It Was Real:
Despite the gross origin of the free internet, it is still free internet. In an era that almost entirely revolves around the web, having internet provided to individuals for no cost would be a beautiful thing. Sure, internet providers would lose most, if not all, of their revenue. But that’s not your problem. Besides, wouldn’t you rather spend hundreds of dollars a year on internet shopping rather than the internet? Google TiSP would also make bringing your laptop into the bathroom far more acceptable.
6.
Gmail Autopilot
What It Is:
Gmail Autopilot takes over the mundane task of reading and responding to your e-mails. It samples your previously written e-mails and calibrates to your tone. You can also change the calibrations, which include amount of capitalization and typos, brevity, and emoticon use, manually. Autopilot even includes such human-like qualities as compassion and wisdom, making your correspondents less likely to catch on to your distaste for responding to them.
Why You Wish It Was Real:
Sometimes personal correspondences are just so tedious. Gmail Autopilot would make your life even easier by responding to the e-mails you just don’t want to waste your time on. While you may have no problem spending an hour writing an e-mail to a long lost friend, you just don’t have the time or patience to write one for every one of your “hilarious” Uncle Larry’s forwards. Gmail will even respond to those Nigerian Princes in a timely manner so you won’t have to.
5.
Google Brain Search
What It Is:
Google Brain Search is a Google Mobile application that indexes the contents of your brain and makes it searchable using your phone’s antenna. With a simple modification of the technology, your phone’s antenna would be able to pick up and interpret your brain waves. Just hold your phone to your head and say: “Search Me.” Your phone will do the rest and do it faster than your brain.
Why You Wish It Was Real:
Think off all the times your brain has failed you. You’ve forgotten people, words, events, facts. You’ve probably even forgotten your own name. With Google Brain Search, your brain will no longer even be given the opportunity to fail you. All you need to do is hold your phone to your forehead and think your query. The application then indexes your brain and searches it for the question you so desperately need an answer to. Not only does it save you from the embarrassment of forgetting, it doesn’t force you to ask your query out loud.
4.
Google MentalPlex
What It Is:
The MentalPlex is a search engine that reads your mind, eliminating the need to actually type a query. MentalPlex knows that’s what you’re thinking and does it for you. All you need to do is stare into the MentalPlex circle and project the mental image of what you want to find. Then you click or visualize clicking within the circle.
Why You Wish It Was Real:
There is always a question we don’t have the knowledge to answer. In this day and age, our first place to go when we can’t help ourselves is the internet. Sometimes the question is simple and we can find the answer in under a minute. But quite often, the question is convoluted, going from “What other movie was that guy in?” to “What was the song in the movie where that guy played the father of that girl?” With questions like those, while you may desperately need to know the answer you have no starting point. With Google MentalPlex, you wouldn’t need one. It would read your mind, finding not only the question but any memories related to it. Before you know it, you would have an answer; free of frustration and headache.
