1.
The Reptoids
If ex-BBC presenter turned conspiracy theorist and science fiction writer David Icke is to be believed, the world is run not by the illuminate or aliens, but by lizard people from beneath the earth. The British Royal family, the Bush family and other powerful persons are lizards in disguise, working together to achieve absolute power over the world of men. These lizards come from beneath the surface of the earth, which is supposedly completely hollow and lit by a central ‘second sun’. For thousands of years they posed as gods, explaining the fixation that many ancient cultures had with lizards, but they have since modified their approach to human domination and taken key roles in political parties, the media and other organizations we just love to hate. So how do we tell if somebody is one of the lizard people or not? Apparently it’s all in their eyes, as is the only evidence for this insane theory.
2.
Die, Princess, Di!
Perhaps Queen Elizabeth really is one of the lizard people. She’d have to be pretty evil to order the death of her daughter-in-law just to spare the Royal family the embarrassment of her marrying a Muslim. Princess Diana was attempting to escape the paparazzi in Paris when her car collided with the central support pillar of an underpass. Her fiancé, Dodi Fayed was also killed in the crash. His father, businessman Muhamed Al Fayed, has publicly insisted that the Royals, in particular Prince Phillip, are to blame. Whilst the death of Princess Di has all the hallmarks of an accidental collision, some continue to believe that the Royals had the motive and the means to have her assassinated.
3.
KFC Causes Sterility in Black Men
This golden nugget dates back to the 1950s when the KKK were at their height and the common perception of African Americans was that they ate nothing but fried chicken and water melons. It saw somewhat of a revival in the 1980s, following the death of Colonel Sanders, the founder and face of the Kentucky Fried Chicken brand. Colonel Sanders is rumoured to have been a Klan member and to have left 10% of his estate to the KKK upon his death. This led to further rumours that the Klan were running the chain. Supposedly the Colonel’s secret recipe of seven herbs and spices contains a chemical compound that renders African American males infertile while leaving white males unharmed.
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4.
The Mars Conspiracy
The idea of life on Mars has been part of popular culture for a hundred years, so we were all bitterly disappointed when the first images of the Martian surface came back showing nothing but sand and rocks. But there is still a good deal of evidence to suggest that Mars is, or has been populated. The most famous is the case of the strage rock formations in the area of the planet named Cydonnia. Several pyramids sit in this one area, alongside the famous ‘face of Mars’. Whilst it is entirely possible that a mountain could take this shape naturally and coincidentally, that still doesn’t explain the geometric and seemingly unnatural construction of the Cydonian pyramids. This in it’s self is not sufficient evidence to prove that Mars was once home to a long-lost civilization, but an apparent abundance of faces, pyramids and other interesting structures across the surface of Mars certainly raises eyebrows. So why hasn’t NASA directed any of it’s rovers to these interesting locations. Surely the enormous public interest warrants further investigation of Cydonia. Or are they hiding something from us? When the British sent a landing craft to search for signs of life on Mars, the only part of the craft to have been built in America (the parachute) failed, causing it to be lost. Could this have been sabotage?
5.
Nazis in Antarctica
We know that the Nazis had rocket technology far in advance of the U.S or the Soviets. Some even claim that they made it to the moon. But were the Nazis also building UFOs? Some leading UFOlogists believe that they were. In the race for Berlin, the Soviets came across a secret Nazi research facility where a supposed flying saucer prototype was found. A second, full-scale craft was also under construction there, using parts manufactured by leading German technology companies, including BMW. The conspiracy theory goes further than this, stating that the Nazis had in fact built several of these saucer craft, perhaps in collusion with an alien intelligence. These advanced craft were transported, towards the end of the war, to a secret base in Antarctica from where they still operate today. Got that? UFOs aren’t flown by aliens, the USAF or Soviets – they’re flown by Nazis from Antarctica.
6.
The Alien Connection
Since the mass UFO sightings of the 1950s and 60s it has been quite commonly believed that the U.S government has been contacted by, secretly colluding with, even controlled by an alien influence. Are they building their own flying saucers in Area 51? Are they secretly helping aliens to experiment on the population (and cattle)? Are they covering up the biggest story in human history? Nobody can really say for sure. Although the idea of aliens dictating government policy is too much of a stretch for most people, many hold the opinion that if they had been in contact with aliens, they wouldn’t tell us about it.
7.
HAARP
Somewhere deep in the snowy landscape of Alaska lies a government research base known as HAARP. The purpose of HAARP is to not only monitor, but also manipulate the ionosphere. Theoretically this would enable boffins on the US government payroll to destroy incoming missiles and disrupt communications throughout the world. This much is true at least. HAARP definitely does exist and is capable of ‘exciting’ the ionosphere, which it claims to do for research purposes only. However, some people believe that HAARPs power goes far beyond mere research and that it has been used to create earthquakes in Asia by temporarily disrupting the Earth’s magnetic field. The presence of an atmospheric disturbance over China shortly before an earthquake in 2009 is often cited as evidence of this. There does seem to be evidence that the U.S government funded the establishment of HAARP based on it’s potential as a weapon, but the extent to which it has been used in this capacity remains unclear.
8.
The End is Nigh
Is the world coming to an abrupt end? Is Ragnarok upon us? Is the government keeping this knowledge quiet to prevent panicked rioting and last minute praying? End of the world conspiracies and death cults have been popular since the dawning of the millennium when we actually thought that confused digital clocks might go on a rampage and destroy civilization as we know it. The latest death-fad is based around the end of the Mayan calendar in 2012. Did the Mayan’s know something that we didn’t? Maybe they knew that their civilization would be long gone by 2012 and that everybody would have switched to the Gregorian calendar by now.
So what exactly is expected to happen in December 2012? Many are expecting the magnetic poles of the earth to shift, causing atmospheric chaos and rendering computers useless. Others believe that the earth will collide with Nabiru, a giant and purely fictional planet currently on a collision course with earth. However, Nabiru is entirely the invention of Nancy Lieder and has no scientific basis. Lieder claims to have been contacted by aliens from Zeta Reticuli, who warned her of the impending disaster. The original date for the Nibiru collision was expected to be in 2003, suggesting either that the aliens got their sums wrong or that Lieder is a nutcase.
9.
The Moon Landing Was a Fake
The moon landing was faked. Of course it was. Go to any bar, anywhere in the world and you’ll find at least one guy who believes this crazy story. The whole thing was filmed in a hangar in Area 51 they’ll tell you. That’s why there are several sources of light. That’s why the flag waves. That’s why you can’t see the stars. Of course you’d think that after going to all the trouble of making the consumes, the set, the lander module and actually launching a rocket, the U.S government wouldn’t forget a simple thing like hanging up some fairy lights. And take a second look at that flag. Is it really waving or is it wobbling? Given that the Apollo 11 rocket was actually launched and that the relatively simple technology needed to complete the mission definitely did exist at the time, it would have been just as expensive to fake the mission than to have actually gone. The political impetus of the space race also gave the U.S government greater cause to actually go to the moon than to lie about their adventures and let the Reds get their first.
10.
Michael Jackson and LaToya Jackson are the same person
Ok, so this seems a little crazy and frankly ridiculous, but so does Michael Jackson himself. The more you think about it, the more sense this makes. Have you ever seen them in the same place at the same time? It would be completely plausible for Michael to have invented an alter-ego for himself, it fits with increasingly shy persona. Would this alter-ego be a woman? Well Michael has become increasingly feminine throughout his life, both in his altered looks, his dress-sense, his voice and his mannerisms. Perhaps Michael finally decided that it was time to undergo the final surgical procedure and become his feminine other-self full-time, staging his own death as a way to make the transition. Not convinced? Give it time – this one grows on you.
Written by Mark Ball – Copyrighted © www.weirdworm.net
